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tokyo__terreur
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Name: Lzz.
Gender: Female
Interests: check my myspace to ge that one figured out. >>;
Expertise: I study in finding new little descrete ways to piss those most unfortunate off.
Occupation: artwhore.
Industry: ARTEESTIC THINGS.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  lzzfck
Member Since:
9/11/2005
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I'm scared that I'll be the thing that ruins what makes you happy.
That I will be confused and unsure of your faith,
I'm scared to death that I could ruin us this way.
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So, as of current; life is alright.
I guess I can't complain too much [for me, that's a big deal], since it could be worse.
Of course, it could be better. It's always somewhere in the middle...
I've been more moody lately, and I don't know if it's genuine or because of boredom. Never do know, I guess. I've picked up a little more smoking and drinking and church and God, all at the same time.
Picture by the way is from halloween night, an epic night in my life, as I played my first games of beer pong... pretty fitting, I think, as a person in their first year of college.
I think maybe all this awkward feeling is coming up since I'm kinda in a "what if" stage... I'm constantly thinking about other things I could do, or could've done - and becoming less and less interested in the things i do now. I don't like my job, and I'm just bored with it. I'm not excited about going to school anymore, except maybe my drawing class - the hype of being in college has completely left me. I don't like to be home, but I'm bored almost all the time, because although I'm never home, I'm never really doing anything... that sort of thing kills me. I love things to do.
I feel like the friends I did spend time with and stuff aren't there, really. But then again, I don't know who I was hanging out with at the beginning of this summer, nobody in particular, really. Just some people here and there.
I am so convinced that not having a car is killing my social life, really. I can't just go places as I please like I did before. Damn it, I just want a car I can call my own, a way around on my own accord. :[
Hopefully things will just start kicking up soon. I'm filling out some applications to turn in. Soon enough, this school semester will end, and I'll get a bit of a fresh start...
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| I'm having a crappy day.
This doesn't happen too often for me, and usually when i do, it's because of something big.
Today is full of little big things making me down.
I only worked 3 hours today, and it was such an annoying shift. Not only did I get my second write up in two days [I showed up 15 min late thinking I was on at a different time], I had to deal with tons of weird little things that just, idk, frustrate me.
I get back here to Jeff's, where then I hear my sister bitch about life, which isn't a big deal, but with work putting me in a bad mood, I get into my in depth thinking - so then I realize just HOW stubborn her personality is in not changing anytime soon. So now I'm frustrated with two things.
Then I lay around another hour or two, hoping for something to get my day better. We go to the park and I'm a little better.
Then I give him a cigarette then I'm bothered. Then I pay $20 for Ihop and I'm more... bugged.
Now he's gone to get rid of a headache and I'm pretty pissed.
It's all the tiny things that I try to reconsider, and they keep happening, and I'm just getting more and more bothered.
I really don't know whether these are the things worth getting rid of, worth changing, or if I should learn to let them go, let them happen.
I've been thinking a lot lately, I've been really confused.
I've been in a slump lately, and I need a way out.
I think I gotta be praying about these things, I need some real guidance and I can't find anywhere else to go...
:\ oh boy. | | |
| so have you ever just had a day where everything that you plan on goes wrong?
I had one of those days, nights, last night. I won't get into details for my sake or my boyfriend's... but it was the most tense night I've had to go through in a long, long time. | | |
| ... and it still feels like it's morning.
as of now; my hair is in need of washing, my phone [in my lap] is getting texts from my boss and my mom, about what time I'll go into work tomorrow, that I pick up some candles on the way home for grandma's cake [she's 84 today], and I keep feeling the impending doom of a stomach ache coming on from this iced coffee I am enjoying just too much.
I am sitting in an awkward position with my knees up in a computer chair in jeff's room, while he finally starts moving [okay, so that tiny amount of energy was really short lived]. he goes back to sleeping in his corner between his wall and bed. my teeth should really be brushed, as they have that nasty after-cigarette taste on them, which may be why I'm drinking all this iced coffee down like my life depends on it.
I'm feeling like things are really relaxed these days... which is probably a good thing. I could always use some down time. I have things that I should be worrying about, though. Like the reservations of our hotel at the beginning of october for the Brand New concert. paying courtney for the tickets she bought us... not to even mention my assignments and everything in college that I have to deal with, now. I hate feeling so independent but still having so much crap to do for school. D: I am terrible at remembering things.
... I hate that he sleeps this late, sometimes. I need some stuff to do!
Might just go and get something to eat. and then I'll come back and watch tv...
I gotta wake him up soon, I have class at 5:20 today and I gotta get home and shower and all of that. D: lamelamelame.
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